What a disgrace.
No, I’m not talking about FIFA’s decision to host the World Cup in Qatar in 2022, though I’m sure my grand kids will be angry about it. I’m talking about the video pitch we made to the world on the eve of the announcement.
As John Huxley pointed out in the Herald, our miscalculation was a total embarrassment. To have our PM make a pitch which only netted us one vote leaves everyone involved red-faced. He further listed the qualities that ensure Qatar’s World Cup party will be pre-pooped: a population barely over a million living in the middle of a desert, with antediluvian attitudes towards women, homosexuals and adulterers, and barely a drop of booze to be found.
But it seems Australia has even less to offer when you look at our video pitch:
Fitting into a well established history of presenting Australia as a one-dimensional land of kangaroos and bogans, our pitch reinforces the perceptions we ourselves have created that:
- Paul Hogan is a national hero, and our Prime Minister has a direct line to the croc killer in case there is any kind of emergency.
- The Australian accent sounds like a cat going through a buzz-saw (not that I mean to pick on our Ms Gillard, but the US bid featured Morgan Freeman, the doyen of voice overs).
- Ian Thorpe is recognisable to anyone outside Australia.
- We don’t particularly care about soccer, hence waiting until four minutes into the video for the first footage of soccer being played. And throwing in recognisable Socceroos like Tim Cahill or Mark Schwarzer in at the end like an aftertought.
As Craig Foster noted, the bid was little more than a tourism advertisement that failed to highlight the growing significance of the World Game in Australia. But this failure is even more disappointing considering the excellent video pitch we put forward last year in a dual bid for the 2018/22 tournaments:
It starts with soccer (that unforgettable Aloisi penalty that saw us into the 2006 World Cup), and gets better from there. Assuming Cate Blanchette was unavailable, Nicole Kidman was the ideal choice as presenter/narrator – gorgeous, recognisable and with perfect diction.
We presented our huge crowds, clearly excited about the world game, our love of sport and experience hosting big events, our geopolitical position, the potential of the game for improving indigenous affairs, etc, etc. And Paul Hogan was nowhere in sight.
So instead of standing before FIFA and announcing “yeah this is still our bid, we think it was pretty solid so we’re sticking with it,” Elle McPherson introduced an animated kangaroo to the world. Thus not only did we spend a cool $45 million on a horribly misguided bid, but maintained our dumb blonde reputation in the eyes of the world. What a disgrace.
Druid Circles 
I totally agree and love what you wrote, I am just concerned by the fact that you think Nicole Kidman is gorgeous- she is a creepy witch Tom xx
I thought that might cause a little controversy, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Excellent as always, but Craig Foster is a massive cry baby, threw a tantrum every time Australia got owned in the last world cup.
Long Live Deutschland
Yeah, he is to soccer what Peter Roebuck is to cricket, the Negative Nancy of the sport’s commentariat.
and don’t forget ‘the doyen of voiceovers’ actually forgot his script during the final presentation and had to re-start his speech halfway through. But I do agree, the Oz pitch was a really bad advertisement, where the bloody hell were they….